Clan 404

...spiffing

Having an old console is good because...

05 Mar 2007 by ShogZ

I've been loving being behind the times in console terms recently.
One of my favourite moments of the weekend is my walk into my local Game store where, out of sheer desperation for the deposit on a PS3 pre-order or for a copy of Gears of War on the 360, people can pawn their once loved games.

These used and old titles are handed in, as reluctant sex slaves to the cashiers who part with mere pennies and duly stick a 'preowned' label on the cover and put them on display.

Some of these Xbox and PS2 titles don't run on the newer systems (Backwards compatible? Just like Windows XP SP2 right Sony?) So they're forced into the '3 for 2' bargain bins dotted around the Game store. In their hay days these glorious titles in glossy boxes would swank about the shop casually flirting with customers and demanding about £40 or 50 for those in Eurloand. Now these cheap harlots are the victims of progress. Their battered boxes and used code make them no longer vestal virgins but a trio of gaming goodness to be had at a snip of the price of one of the originals. Fair commerce indeed my pretties.

I've been playing a lot of 'Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse' on the XBox. I fucking love this game. Essentially you're a zombie and shamble around a 50's futuristic town designed to be a future eutopia. You're job is to make lots of other zombies, chase the wife of the towns mayor (Who it seems our lead is infatuated with, no pulse indeed...) and generally create zombie havoc. It's comedic and fun but doesn't feel 'light' which is a bonus. Lots of great moves such as controlling enemies via your severed arm, disabling armed guys with your zombie flatulance and bowling your own explosive undead head make the strategies for completion fun and varied. It's the first game that's had me addicted since...Well Since that particular RTS which put me in rehab and probably cost me a relationship. I speak of course of...

Medieval Total War. There is no greater strategy title on earth than this magnificent monster of a game. For once PC Gamers' weekly 'Best Game since Jesus' award was worth it. It's spawned two sequals, Rome Total War and Medieval 2. Now whilst I've seen Medieval 2 running on a friends machine and been much enamoured by it's glory I've held off installing it on my less impressive rig. The reason being is that being behind the times in consoles is great, being behind the times in PC's? Sucks the ass of flatulant dead zombies.

I can feel that time coming up. That critical mass of games that just demand I get a new computer. The joy of a clean install on a blazingly fast machine and even of replaying your old games in full 1280x1024 4xAA glory is an e-gasm without equal. Sadly with many more commitments than I used to have the PC upgrade will have to wait, either that or happen in painful stages like the seige of some ancient city with epic stone walls scalable only with towers and pounded by catapult fire.

Until then I get to listen to my girlfriend scream and throw the gamepad at me whilst playing Silent Hill 2. I also get to let her win at Monkeyball Deluxe and I've got to complete the X-Men age of Apocalypse 2 I just got. That plus I got hold of Doom 3 for the XBox...You guessed it, all in 3 for 2's.

Generally I don't buy FPS or RTS games on Consoles, I'm just too much of a WASD fan and you just can't do it properly on a keyboard. It's like a waterbed with satin sheets or a single hammock tied limply to a palm tree. That said HALO was the reason I bought the big black beast of the box in the first place. Consoles for me are about multiplayer games, third person titles and decent RPG's. I've got a slew of multiplayer games fomr the bargain bins, Serious SAm, X-Men, Marvel vs Capcom, Mortal Kombat (All 8000 of them) and more.

All I need now are some friends...